Why Are There Conflicts?

“I didn’t do anything to you”, he said.

I was stunned. Does he really not see it? What he said, how he said it, how he behaved?

“You didn’t see that you were insulting?” I asked.

“I didn’t do anything bad”, he repeated. “You should apologize to me.”

I was totally confused how such a gap can exist between two people, that they don’t see the same thing.

Truth is, this happens many times to all of us. A day later I understood something: he did not do anything. He was being himself with a good intention in mind and because of that he couldn’t see what I saw.

When we are in pain because of something that someone does or says we want to change the other person. It makes so much sense to us that if we just tell them what they did wrong they will surely see the logic and agree with us. But this rarely happens, because the other person wants to do the same. And a conflict is starting to rise. Each person is trying to convince the other why they are right. No one really listens, only wants to express, and point the finger to the other person. If each one of us starts shifting to look inward: why am I triggered in this situation? Instead of outwards: what the other person did ‘wrong’, many conflicts will be avoided. Take the control back to you. Don’t wait for the other person to change.